Brain dump

12.22.2004 - 4:49 pm

So I'm driving home from work today and I see this guy on the side of the road running. I saw his back, the jeans, the grunge jacket, the long hair in a ponytail, and the goatee as he turned to look at us traffic people. And I had this immediate flashback to a friend of mine in college. He had the most gorgeous long, brown wavy hair. Women were jealous of his hair. Beautiful, soft... I digress. And thought about the year we all hung out all the freakin' time. It was the year after I had my nervous breakdown and took a semester off from school (the same semester off that I dropped 50 pounds and started throwing up multiple times a day, real shitty period of my life) ANYWAY... I remember having some of the best times hanging out with this crew. So laid back, we were all very into music. We all went and saw Pearl Jam together at this tiny venue in Philly. And I remember my friend and this other girl got invited backstage because they worked at our college radio station. The rest of us went to a diner and stewed about being left behind, but when they showed up, wow, the energy and excitement they brought totally wiped out my annoyance and I was so happy for him. Now, he's about a two hour drive from me. He moved out to Portland a few years ago to take a job at a big athletic company down there. I see him once in awhile, we email. The fond memories we just flooding in to what I perceive as an easier time. Sure, I was throwing up a lot, putting unrealistic pressure on myself to keep my GPA high, work, party, find a guy, go to shows, etc. OK, maybe it wasn't easier than it is now, it was just different. Now I have to deal with people in the office that do the bare minimum amount of work just to get by, the personality bullshit, being a mom, a wife, a (too infrequent) lover. I've totally lost the creative side of me, I don't do artsy things like I used to and I miss it. So I was starting to think about how I could fit in more time for that in my life...hmmm...OK, get up at 5 am to get ready for work and/or go to the gym, get to the office between 7 and 7:30, work pretty much 9 hours straight (I can count on one hand the number of times I have actually taken a lunch in the last 6 months), leave the office for my 30 minutes of quiet time with NPR, pick up the kid, go home, play with child and help fix her dinner, eat our dinner, play more, put her to bed...then you would think it's the golden time...but nnooooo...then it's bills and errands and straightening and this that or other crap that needs to get done. And all of a sudden it's 10pm and I'm getting into bed to chat with my husband until I fall asleep and the whole vicious cycle starts over again. I need like, 10 more hours a day, 4 for me and 6 for sleep. OK, maybe 10 is more than I need, but 6 would be nice. Can anyone help me with that? 6 more hours in a day? Didn't think so...

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