Body Hatred

07.11.2004 - 2:22 pm

My daughter is sleeping. My husband is on a plane for Atlanta. My father is out clocking the mileage for his run and maybe a few other errands. I'm here. On the computer for now.

I'm not really looking forward to this week. But I am. I don't know. I'm totally indecisive these days. Next week Munch and I are boarding a plane early early Saturday morning for Orlando. I have a work thing M-Th morning, Nick will be there, my Mom, my MIL and SIL. Should be an interesting trip.

I'm a bit stressed about money right now.

I'm also in this total HATRED place with my body. The hatred is so intense I'm almost on the verge of tears. See, I lost all my baby weight by the time Munch was 8 months old and an extra 5 pounds. In January I started to modify my diet so I wasn't eating like a total hog knowing that I planned to stop nursing when she was a year. I've done pretty good, I don't eat dessert every day like I used to. And even gotten to a point that I can eat 5 peanut M&M's a day and satisfy my sweet tooth. However, by the time Munch was 13 months she was totally weaned. And I went back on the Pill. And I gained 10 pounds. I'm blaming it on the pill really. Stupid fucking birth control! What I should do is talk to my OB/GYN about alternatives that aren't going to make me gain weight. I've had a reader suggest DepoProvera, possibility. But what I really need even more than a no-weight-gain-BC-alternative...are you ready? to not despise my current body. It's such an energy sucker, so bad for me, horrible example for my daughter.

Maybe I need to get back into therapy.


maybe something good is on the food network.

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