09.17.2003 - 10:33 am

congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything.
You must be so proud

which happy bunny are you?
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Do you ever feel like you are living in a dream. About a 1/2 hour ago I was trying to put Munch down for a nap. Even a 1/2 hour so I could get Nick's birthday party invitations done so they can go in the mail today. (side bar: is it weird that people think paper invites are so retro when evite exists?) So anyway, Munch was having nothing of napness. I stood over her crib looking at her as she fought the drooping eyes...and I thought, is this real? Is she really my daughter? Is my job real? Do I really work at that shitty place for PBL and all the absolutely insane projects we are involved in right now? Is my marriage real? Are our troubles real? Is this house real? Is my life real? Am I truly alive or the figment of someone's imagination?

Thinking like kind of depressed me.

That and the fact that The Bitch Ex is not gone from our lives. She is the next hurdle Nick and I have to get through together. I almost typed "survive" instead of "get through". I suppose that's how I really feel. We were talked before our move that we both feel so beaten down. After the whole nonsense of houses selling and buying and almost losing our current place. Sure, we're here now but neither of us is healed. Neither of us has had time to heal from the pain. How do I go about healing myself? I think I'm going to go to U-Village after my haircut today. I need some retail therapy. Even if I don't buy anything (which I probably won't) it will just feel good. Besides, I can go to Land of Nod and drool over all the cool stuff. Still a few hours of retail therapy is not going to cure my wounds.

Nick said the other day that he feels like he'll never be the same person once this year is over and dealing with The Bitch. I never thought I would feel that way either. But right now, I do. I do feel like there's a part of me that's gone. I do feel a wound, and never really noticed it until now.

So Munch is now asleep. She just finished nursing and drifted off to sleepy-land. Now I can go be crafty. Maybe it will help...

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