Mother issues

08.08.2003 - 2:47 pm

This morning Munch & I went to this movie theater on the eastside that has movies specifically for parents & babies on the 2nd & 4th Fridays of the month. It was really nice. They turn off the digital so as not to harm our young ones hearing. The constant crying and cooing quickly became white noise to the movie. We saw Seabiscuit which I thoroughly enjoyed. Nick is after me to read the book which is supposed to be incredible. He really wants to see the movie, and I did feel a pang of disappointment when I found out what it was and he wasn't with me. I'm just sorry I waited so long to go! I only have two week left of my leave, so that's only one more movie. I think this should be a regular thing at all theaters, especially at the hard would it be to designate one theater each week as the "baby room" so parents can go out together and be with their child. I'm not asking for a Friday or Saturday here...maybe a late afternoon matinee on a Monday or Tuesday when hardly anyone is at the movies anyway. I'm rambling...

I was thinking in the shower this morning that I wanted to talk about ME in here for once. I feel as if all my recent entries are about my daughter or my family. Not that it irritates me or anything, I just haven't had a good rant lately.

I went to therapy this week. To the woman Nick has seen individually and we are both seeing for couple's counseling, we'll call her Anne. I really like her style, and I think it will help our couple sessions if she knows each of us outside of the we. I didn't have much to talk about. I really didn't know why I was there. We talked about the Bitch-Ex and how Nick and I have actually grown closer because of all that has fallen out. We talked about my relationship with my mom and how she can make the hair on whole body stand up. She said something that was a huge lightbulb for me...One of the mother issues I have is that my mother denies things happened that I specifically remember growing up. Anne said I didn't need to let go of all my memories and the feelings they stir up for me. She said those memories are a part of who I have become. What an A-HA that was!! So many times in the past I've been told I need to "forgive and forget" in order for me to move on. Well, I don't have to forgive or forget. I don't have to have a sisterly relationship with my mother (which I think is just wrong anyway, she's my mother not my closest friend). I don't have to answer the phone when she calls, or respond to her emails immediately. I can have the relationship with my mom that I want, not what others tell me I need to have. Phew! How great was that! It almost makes me feel less irritated by her actions already.

I think that's about it for now. I bought a watermelon today, I'm going to make watermelon juice with it. I know that sounds weird, but it's really good. Especially with vodka. Although I may not have vodka in it this time, depending on when I need to nurse again.

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