06.24.2003 - 9:37 pm
Is everyone depressed? Are all of us walking around barely keeping it together? I just got home from this class about communication & self empathy...I think at least 1/2 the people in there talked about some form of depression. And a very nice woman came up to me at the end to recommend I join a PEPs group (which has been on my list since Munch was born) and how she really wished she had done so with her first child because she had really bad post partum depression. Yesterday I got a letter from my best friend and she is in a place of pain right now and my heart just ached for her.
So I'm feeling agitated. Yes, I'm on my anti-d's and have been for about 6 weeks now...so the medicine should be taking effect and helping. I don't think it's ineffective right now, I think it's working. I'm able to function on a daily basis. But I'm also not being true to my emotions right now. For instance, Nick is with the baby right now, I came home, he took her out, I came upstairs to journal. I needed to do this for my sanity. But how often do I do that? Not often enough. Last night I wanted to take a bath and relax. Didn't do it. I need to do more things by myself. Not like huge things, taking a bath is pretty basic and doesn't take up too much time right? Sitting here journalling doesn't take up too much time either. Maybe I'll sign up for another yoga class sans bebe and have Nick watch her. I'm reaching that point of breaking if I don't start doing more stuff for myself that doesn't include anyone else. This was a key part of who I was pre-baby, why should now be any different?
Tomorrow night we are starting couples counselling. I'm really happy and proud that we are doing this together. Doing it now while things are good instead of waiting for the bomb. I think we will both learn a lot about the other person that just isn't getting expressed right now. I'm looking forward to it.
So I guess that's it. I just want to crawl into bed now and numb out on TV.
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