06.03.2003 - 5:43 pm
Nick is coming back tonight, two days early from his trip. Yay! for us!! I know he misses the Munchkin a lot, I don't blame him. Being alone with her all this time hasn't been as difficult as I thought it was going to be. I think it helps that I lined up some friends to come and help me out, more than anything it was just some adult interactions while he was away.
I noticed something about myself shortly after he left. I went food shopping to get some meals and snacks/treats. I eat a lot when he isn't here. And I eat a lot of sweets, I bought cookies, chocolate and ice cream at the store. They are all gone already. In a way, it's like I'm engaging in my ED again. I did not throw up anything, but I've been eating to calm myself in his absence. I also recognized that I do this every time he goes away.
I wasn't particularly thrilled to learn this about myself.
Of course, I have all the "tools" from therapy to deal with this. But a part of me is thinking I should go back into counselling. The therapist I was seeing while I was still pregnant isn't in the picture anymore. We just didn't click. I think I should get someone new. Deal with this lingering food/body-image stuff, and feeling some loss of identity in being a new mom. Or maybe it's adjusting to my new identity of being a mom.
I don't feel like I'm making any sense.
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