03.07.2003 - 5:13 pm
It's snowing. On and off all day. Granted, the snow barely makes it to the ground, it's not like we'll be building snow-people or anything like that. It's just weird to have snow in March. It's supposed to be spring time.
I had a total mental breakdown yesterday. I woke up crying, and pretty much didn't stop until I went to bed at 10pm. There were dry spells, but not many. Basically, I'm scared. And angry. I think a lot of my tears were around anger. I called my friend Pi early early in the morning before I got ready for work and cried on her shoulder. She helped put some things in perspective. Like, the baby isn't going to remember where we lived or who stayed home and what-not. Or that I could be stay-at-home mom with our second kid when day care would be even more expensive. She's right, doesn't make it feel any better or make it any easier though.
I don't know how Nick can put up with me or support me or anything right now. I'm so worried about him being taken care of. Whenever I ask him what he wants, 99% of the time he responds that he wants me to be happy. sigh.... I'm really trying to be positive and up-beat. I'm not even upset about selling the house anymore. In fact, the sooner it's done with the better, being here is depressing. I think leaving and starting over together will be good for us. All three of us.
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