02.02.2003 - 6:53 pm
I don't feel like there is enough time anymore. The weeks are so consumed of work. I find solace in yoga nights. Other evenings it's all I can do to not crash and burn until the next morning. I still don't feel Nick and I have quality time together. Weekends pass by too fucking quickly. I was emptying the dryer today thinking, I could really use a day off. Not a day off to do anything, but a day to sleep late, watch bad tv movies, do something arty... Work should be letting up now, my three major projects are done, one went live today, one goes live tomorrow and one I have 2 1/2 weeks to do any clean up...but they are done. I mentioned to my therapist yesterday that last week I worked 49 hours. That's a lot for me even when I'm not pregnant. It's definitely time to reel that in to a more normal 40 a week, planning and cross-training for my leave. And since I don't plan on returning...and there is some sick satification in that...I feel this loyalty to get my desk in order so the next person won't have to do too much hunting and pecking around. Of course, in my little dream world, they will ask me to stay on until someone is hired, even if it is only part time, and I'll counter-offer some ridiculous hourly rate, and they will pay me that. But then, those are words coming from a pregnant woman that doesn't know the true meaning of being a mom yet. I just need to keep in perspective what I need to do to be heatlhy. That's all that matters anymore, me and my family.
So in about 7 weeks I'm going to start my anti-d's again. I still don't want to do it while the baby is growing. My OB says starting them now is fine. And yes, I know she is the doctor and not me, I really don't want to be taking any chemicals while the baby is still growing. I figure at about 35 weeks I'll be far enough along that it won't matter. My therapist agreed and understands my hesitation in doing anything now, and is rather happy that I will have something pumping in my system by the time baby comes along. I am too.
I never did find that "perfect" outfit for Coming Home. Although I did buy two onesies, pants and a sweater yesterday at the mall. And I realized as I went to Gymboree, Childrens Place, Nordies, The Bon, etc. etc. etc... that there are some really ugly baby clothes out there. Ugly stuff that people are going to give me and expect my child to wear in public. Maybe the baby will just happen to have an accident that ruins the ugly stuff (yes, I am this much of a snob). For the record, I don't like baby-pink, I like hot pink, but not baby-pink. Although, Nia is going to share some of her baby clothes ("her" as in what she wore when she was a baby) with me, I'm rather excited about that, I'll have the hippest retro-vintage child around!! I think she mentioned a mustard, cordury pantsuit. I know, you are all jealous!!
I'm getting a bit hungry, so I'm off to get some food. Then a warm bath...the luxuries of life!
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