01.23.2003 - 6:09 am
I'm very proud and in love with my husband. He did something very brave (and personal, so I won't go into it here) yesterday and I'm just gushing. He also admitted to me that he's afraid I'll leave him. I told him that when I do talk about such things, it's always about punishing myself than anything involving him. We had a fight the other night and I got into this frenzy of thought that life would be easier for both of us if I left. And he could have the baby once she's born, because I wouldn't deserve her. You know, I laugh now because that sounds SO fucking absurd! But it made 110% of sense in the moment.
I have my second therapy appointment tonight. I think I followed through on all my commitments. I have conveniently misplaced my task list. I think I'll go buy a journal for therapy. Or start using my journal that I pretty much haven't picked up since my last bout in therapy.
I'm looking forward to this weekend and sleeping in. It seems all I want to do anymore is sleep. Of course, that's my pregnant-self telling me what's important for my health right now. Must...listen...to...body...
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