01.10.2003 - 5:52 am

You know, I just wonder...if people out there are so threatened and so incensed by what I or anyone else writes in their respective journals, why the hell do they read them? I know whenever I click on a banner and come to a journal that talks about stuff I don't agree with, I don't read anymore. Ever. If you wouldn't be a friend to the journaller in real life, why waste your time reading what they have to say?

I'm still amazed by people.

In pregnancy news, I've reached feet swelling. By the end of the day ALL I want to do is remove my shoes and prop 'em up. Granted, giving a three hour training between 10:30-1:30 yesterday where I stood for 1/2 the time probably didn't help. And who schedules a pregnant woman to hold a training during the lunch hours? What's done is done and I'm not going to harp on it. I'm just whining about my feet.

I also find it hard to believe that I'm only growing a centimeter a week (fundal height-wise). It feels like so much more than a centimeter. Especially since the maternity tops I've bought in the last two months that I was swimming in are now utilizing the stretchy material inside. I think I'm just pregnancy-cranky this week.

I had my first therapy appointment last night after two years. All my past therapy work has involved working through my eating disorder, father issues and actively avoiding my mother issues. Now since I've been having valleys of depression I decided to return. And I think I decided last night that when I deliver I'm going back on Zoloft (especially since it doesn't pass through breast milk). To say to a (virtual) stranger that I'm afraid of post-partum depression was pretty big for me. I live in this world that if ideas and feelings stay in my head, then they aren't reality.

Other than that, I think it went pretty well. It's still too soon to tell if I like this counselor or not. I kinda hope it does work out because I hate the whole switching and interviewing thing.

And I have homework, I need to make some arrangements at work to help me be more comfortable as a pregnant woman...foot rests, ergonomic chairs, telecommuting... I'm also supposed to explore going away for the weekend. I had been talking to Nick to visit my friend in Portland, but talking about it last night I realized that would involve a long drive. Unless I took the train. Then I dreamt about this friend last night and visiting him (in my current pregnant state) but it was like we were still in college and he was living with 3 other guys and the keg was next to the TV and big bags of chips on the table (just like in college). Now, my friend just bought a house in Portland and lives alone. He's a very responsible guy...not quite the college student he once was...it was kind of a funny dream. It did make me smile remembering those happy days of college. Anyway...I should go email him and see if a visit would be OK with him, so I have the option.

Ugh! I need to finish getting ready for work, and have another one of those trainings from 1-4 today. I think I'll use a chair this time...

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