12.24.2002 - 4:55 pm

I can hardly believe it's Christmas Eve. WHERE did this year go?! I can hardly believe that one year ago I was only engaged. This year I planned a wedding, got married, got pregnant, and now I have a gymnast living inside of me.

It's been such a blur.

The wedding planning took so long, and the wedding was so short (they really need to warn bride's about this, it is supposed to be our day in the sun after all). We had such a beautiful wedding. Everyone in all the pictures are laughing and smiling, and Nick and I look so happy.

Then Chicago this summer where we got pregnant. We weren't necessarily trying, but we weren't not trying (or actively not trying to not get pregnant as my friend Pi says) We are pretty sure of the night we conceived...did I tell you all we were drunk? Two bottles of wine and a glass of champagne, and an amazing dinner at Charlie Trotter's...and a baby enters my womb. I still giggle about how "teenage" our conception is, or should I say "college". It's all good, we are kids at heart. Now I'm staring down the crossroads of stay-at-home mom vs. going back to work.

Grappling with a job I cannot stand, but for many reasons, now is not the time to go job-hunting. I better get a good bonus this year!!

As much happiness as I have encountered, I think I deal with grief and loss on a daily basis. I have stretch marks for the amount of personal growth I've gone through this year. It has definitely been a shift from single-independent chick to married-&-pregnant-independent chick. I sometimes wonder if I'm doing the right thing.

Hm, I get like this every year around this time. I used to keep a daily journal of "This is what I did today" and would look back on it between now and New Year's, reflecting on my year and what I want in the next one. I haven't done that for a long time, maybe I miss that? I can hardly see myself wanting to revisit that practice, not at this juncture. Maybe when baby comes along I'll start a "This is what you did today" kind of diary.

I feel like I'm talking in circles and not getting anywhere.

More so, I feel like I've said all this before.

Merry Christmas

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