10.23.2002 - 6:02 pm

I feel caught in this loop at work. This week is my three year anniversary. I've never lasted so long at a job. I've been struggling there with personality conflicts for about 18 months. First with my Boss (no longer feel the need to refer to her as PBL), then a peer, then the Payroll supervisor (which continues), and a whole bunch of other people. Another peer of mine brought it up to the Boss that lately she feels incompetent. That nothing goes right, and gets berrated all the time. So that prompted the Boss to start a conversation with us in our team meeting about how we measure success, as in, how do we know when we do a good job. Knowing that all four of us are high achivers with impossible (?) standards, how do we measure success. All those quantifiable measures for me, like making payroll deadlines, delivering reports, maintaining the intranet...blah blah blah...I don't recognize them as accomplishments. That's just what I do.

So I've been thinking all week about how would I know I'm being successful in my job. After a week of pondering, it came to me in our meeting today. When I have mastery of a technique/system/database, I feel successful. So my task now is to create smaller steps of mastery along the way, because the Boss realizes that I won't be achieving mastery, in my definition, anytime soon. And she doesn't want me to feel like a complete loss? Idiot? I don't know the word.

It was reassuring. Yeah, there's still crap and the payroll supv to deal with. Maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Mind you, not that I plan on being there long term anyway. Nick & my hope is to not go back to work after the baby for full-time mommy-dom.

In pregnancy news...I'm in a growth spurt. Was talking to a co-worker today and we were chatting about me being in the stage where I'm gaining weight, and eating all the time, but not really looking like I'm pregnant. Then I realized I'm so close to the four month mark. Yahoo Mama!

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