Updated ramblings

10.09.2002 - 4:27 pm

Does she not pay fucking attention?! Amanda, if you are so insensed by what my husband writes, why are you still reading his journal? And if you feel so free as to comment on other people's journals, why is yours password protected? What are you hiding from those of us out here in the world?! What fucking right do you have? ARGH!!! Stupidity and ignorance really pisses me off!!


I'm starting to feel better, in that I'm lasting longer in the day before I crash. Although I think baby is going through a growth spurt because my whole abdominal area hurts. Nick and I went to the doctor on Thursday. We got to hear the heart beat. WOW! 173 beats per minute. The little one is in the "hummingbird phase" as our OB explains. It's so tiny that the heart has nothing to do but beat so fast to support itself. It's so wild. I started crying and laughing at the same time, it took a few minutes for me to calm down enough for the nurse to get a reading. It was very cool. I love our OB!


We were back east in my tromping ground this weekend. My mom threw us a very nice wedding "reception". I think she had a really good time. I know I did. I got to see a lot of my aunts & uncles, cousins, their kids, two college friends...it was nice. My mom did a really good job.

It just wasn't long enough. I really noticed it coming home on Monday. I didn't want to leave NJ (I think that's the first time I've ever said that) It would have been nice to spend more time, even if it was only to bum around and visit. Next time I suppose, because next time I'll have a little one with me.


I re-read my last entry. I feel kind of bad. In that, I mentioned Nick was laid off and my response to that was all about me. Yes, I know I can be selfish at times. That is not the message I wanted to convey to anyone.

I worry about Nick. I worry that he'll be OK. Feel OK, feel that he can trust me enough to share and not keep things bottled up inside. I think that is something I need to be sensitive about with him. He tells me he's OK, but on the inside it's storing up until it overflows. We had a long talk about that in the airport before we left on Friday. Nick was really upset, and rightfully so, and in some ways he wasn't being direct with me. It took a little bit of reassurance to finally get him to share his true feelings and hurt with me. So, now I feel better prepared to anticipate when these types of things come up.

Like me "honoring" his wish to not do anything for his birthday, when what he really wanted was something special. I'll make it up to you baby...I'm sorry.

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