09.02.2002 - 11:14 am

(Pregnancy updates)...morning sickness has subsided, somewhat. Baby desires french fries, but maybe not today. Nothing sounds good to me, except maybe staying in bed and being a slug on this pretty Labor Day.


Not so long ago, I used to make up stories as I was falling asleep. I've had insomnia almost all my life. So one thing I would do is create these elaborate situations for myself (most of the time) based in fantasy. Things like, accelerating in my job and squashing all the people that piss me off. Or finding that perfect guy and having adventures in rock climbing or travel or other stuff I haven't done. Or over-coming some huge obstacle in my life through some amount of suffering. Or pretending to be someone famous. Total absurd stories that I never really thought would come true, and helped me get through to the dreamy pictures.

I haven't used this "technique" since I've been with Nick. I was thinking about that the other day when we were in the car together. Because the night before I was having trouble falling asleep so I started creating a story again. But it felt weird. I was trying to come up with some little story and it didn't feel right. It didn't feel right because I was laying next to my husband, thinking about our baby, feeling pretty content with where I am with my life. So why would I want to fantasize about another?

It was a weird revelation for me. Another chapter of my past is now closed. Another bad memory just that, a memory.

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