pond scum

08.16.2002 - 7:54 pm

I am the worst human being ever.

I just told Nick that I don't think I'm ready for this baby. I haven't said the A word out loud, it's bounced around in my head. But I don't know that I could do that either. Nick asked that I wait a few days before making any firm decisions. We are going to the doctor next Friday for my first exam.

I'm just so scared of losing myself, or losing the connection I have with my husband. I fear that we haven't been "just us" long enough to start to prepare for a child. I really thought I was ready, but now that reality is here, I'm not so sure.

I feel horrible for thinking or expressing that. Yet, i'ts my reality. My reality scares me.

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