07.18.2002 - 8:49 pm

I'm having a Day. I was at an off site training for the reporting feature of this new software we are installing. It wasn't too general, I find PC classes to be a complete waste of my time. I'm always reading ahead, practice exercising ahead...getting scolded by the instructor...well, I'm sorry, but just because I'm over and above average from every other Idiot in this class...don't make a spectacle of me! That didn't happen today, it happens often though.

I this class was OK, all my reporting capabilities in a relational database came flooding back (we are currently STILL in DOS if you can believe it!) so I'm not stressed about reporting anymore. I am stressed that next week I'm in Chicago, and then I return and it's only TWO weeks until the database is frozen. That's two weeks to clean up all the rest of the crap I have to clean up. That's two weeks to completely lose my sanity (as if I ever had any!) I'm just worried about this project. No, I don't believe it's going to bomb, crash, burn and result in me leaving my job with my tail between my legs. NOT at all, I think it's going to be very smooth. I don't know how to trust that, so I stress. I could never be a Project Manager as a profession...too much stress!

My sweetie is working on the banner for his site. In want a banner! I also feel the need to get my layout completed before I do so (yeah, yeah...I've been promising you all that for HOW long now?!) His banner is cool! I want a cool banner.

Let's see, in other news...Nick asked Nia if Viktor would mind teaching him proper needle play. Why I never thought of needle play before is beyond me! With all my piercings and lust for makes sense! So I'm looking forward to that. Although honestly, I don't know if I'll be up for it before this project ends. Is that pathetic? That I'm putting certain aspects of my life on hold for a work project? In ways, I think it is, in others definitely not. My day-to-day regular job isn't this stressful, it's know...converting the payroll system. NO pressure there! Ha!

I'm not pregnant, did I tell y'all that? Nope, started bleeding like a hemorrhaging soul. My cycles are NOT fun. Again, I was upset that I wasn't pregnant, but now I'm a bit relieved. Every day I change my mind about whether I'm ready to be a mother. All these friends I know that just had a kid say it's one of the best things ever...but kids change everything. And Nick and I have only been married 2 months (and 7 days) ... and I'm having enough trouble being married without being a mother! Don't get me wrong, I love Nick all over, he's my soul mate. I just wasn't expecting it to feel so different. So final. (those of you with commitment issues must understand that, right? please?) I don't think I made the wrong decision, I'm adjusting. I'm married, I'm a wife, I have a joint bank account and my W-4 has a check box of "Married". I don't know where I'm going with this other than ranting.

I never did watch that movie yesterday. I'm doing laundry now. Maybe I'll settle in for a little Will & Grace and a piece of chocolate...good night.

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