Messed up values

07.17.2002 - 7:15 am

What the fuck is wrong with people?

What do I want? I was thinking about that a lot last night. I've been feeling restless lately because I don't know what the hell I want. 2 1/2 years ago I found a job I liked, then late last year I started to hate my job, then I started liking it there is this 800 pound gorilla in the office that is making life challenging. This gorilla needs to be dealt with directly, but instead my boss thinks the better route is to engage in "team building" exercises. And the gorilla doesn't want to play along! It's so frustrating for me, she's one of those people that is so far in denial that she cannot see beyond her closed damn eyelids! Nick asked me often what I want career wise, whether I really want to be a jeweler, I have no idea. I *think* that I would like working part time (in a job like I have now) and then have more time to get some extra sleep, work out daily, read more, pursue my jewelry - even if it is only a hobby with a few shows and really isn't a source of income.

But that isn't everything either. I don't know what I want in my personal life much. As I type that I think to myself "That isn't true" ... I have a husband that I adore and who adores me back, I have great friends that love me no matter what and support me, I have more than 1/2 a brain to do whatever the hell I want, I have a loving cat, I have opportunity and health and all those mushy things we "should be thankful for" as the good catholic upbringing (HA!) I had tell me to appreciate. Yet I don't feel satisfied.

I'm restless, and don't know what to do about it.

My brain just seriously wandered and I completely lost my train of thought. I *should* go do some laundry. I *want* to go watch a movie with my sweetie and fool around. Maybe you will know later what I decide to do.

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