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Now  This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License. |
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June 16, 2002 - 4:22 p.m. I just read my friend Nia's journal and it was really eerie reading what she wrote. I feel like I have been in the same space for 24 hours now. I�m so frustrated that I don�t know how to express myself that I could cry. I just want to scream and rant and throw shit (not at someone, just throw it). I�m not angry, I don�t know what this feeling is and it�s frustrating me. I had spent such a large portion of my life not feeling anything that when I do it's scary at times. Do people really understand that? Do other people "get" it when I say I'm numb, or that I'm feeling something but I cannot put a word on it. To date, it seems I can only identify with other woman that have/had eating disorders in their lives. Maybe that's not even true. I also feel like the words coming out of my head make no sense whatsoever.I�m pushing Nick away (probably more than I�m actually letting on) and I just don�t know what to do. Sigh.....sometimes it all just sucks!
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