May 28, 2002 - 8:23 p.m.
Did you do anything this Memorial Day? And I don't mean a picnic or boating or anything like that. Did you remember? Did you think about those we have lost? To some extent, I did.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like I spent the day in front of an altar or anything, I had a BBQ here at my house...
I guess I'm just feeling weird lately about September 11th. I feel like some of us have grown so cold or numb to the horror of what happened. Nick and I watched the HBO special on Sunday night. It was incredibly sad. Even more so because there was footage of people, interviews, more shots of devestation. There was even a segment on the people that jumped from the WTC because they chose that form of death to being in the building. It was almost like living it all over again. There were interviews with the mayor's office. Did you know the mayor's executive assistant lost her husband? Mere days before she found out she was pregnant. Wow.
Maybe living on the West Coast it's different. I remember being in Florida in January, and NJ in February and the flags and sentiment felt so much stronger than it is here in Seattle. Maybe it isn't.
It feels very unsettling to me. I just don't know what to do with it. Nick and I are now officially trying to get pregnant. And I worry about bringing a child in to this world. Then I look at all the kids that were just born from all the women I know, and how many more are due in the next month or so. It's frightening. There was an article in this week's NY Times Magazine about the threat of destruction and what keeps the nuclear scientists awake at night. That's unnerving.
It's all so much, and I think we all are healing in our own way. I guess I've spent so much of my life stuffing it all down and am really only starting to learn how to live in my emotions. I should stop analyzing this. They are my feelings and emotions and there isn't any reason to hide or justify them.
It's all so scary....
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