45 days

March 27, 2002 - 7:38 p.m.

Only 45 days until the wedding. That is not a lot of time. I have my first fitting tomorrow, but I'm thinking of rescheduling for Saturday morning. There's a part of me that doesn't want to do the fitting. That the dress is so pretty and so right, that if I take it off the hanger and make it mine, well that's reality. And I avoid reality so well!! I spent 20 some-odd years either eating or throwing up my reality.

And tomorrow I go to a title company and sign papers and become a REAL home owner! Me and Nick. This is another reality, another notch in my Life As An Adult.

Then there's that whole friend thing I've been obsessing and lamenting about. I got to talk to a friend from LA today, and she made some really good points. Specifically about this girl that I am just having problems letting go. LA reiterated what Nick and another girlfriend has told me...that friendships change, that this girl is a care-taker and I don't need to be taken care of anymore (not that I ever did, but there is an illusion around caring for the Single Girl in the group)...that I need to live my life. LA said something else too, that Nick is an important friend too, and one that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, and if there is a relationship I need to focus on and love and grow, it is with him. So right on....

So now, I feel pretty good. Still a bit pained on the friend thing. But the more I hear the same themes from friends, the more I believe I didn't do anything wrong (as I often do) but that life happens and we grow.

Can I talk about this any more???

OK, enough. 16 minutes until a new episode of Enterprise. And girl scout cookies. YEAH!!

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