cave dweller

February 20, 2002 - 11:50 a.m.

Trying to look for the positive and tell my troubles to the wall. (as opposed to another human being).

I'm just feeling like I cannot do anything right. And that no one is interested. And that my rope is fraying more quickly than I thought it was. I just want to run away. I feel like shutting everyone out and rejuvenating myself. There was a time in my life I was over-committed ALL the time. I got really good at breaking that tendency. Now, I feel like I'm back there all over again. Maybe I'll call in sick tomorrow and just veg. Better yet, maybe I'll work from home and stay in my jammies. I don't even really know what I'm saying right now.

Last weekend I went back to NJ for my bridal shower. I also spent a day at my best-friend-from-grade-school and her husband, their dog and 5-month old son. It just seemed all to be so simple and good. Seeing and spending time with a baby also freaked me out a bit. Like, am I ready? I found myself this morning using money as an excuse to put off getting pregnant. Like, Nick and I should wait until next year when our cash flow is better. Yet, if I'm pregnant for the last half of the year, I don't see how that increases our expenses now....

Grrrr....I should go buy a cave for times when I feel like this.

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