January 18, 2002 - 7:41 p.m.

I truly feel like a spoiled brat sometimes. Nick and I have the on-going disagreement about feeling respected and heard.

Every time he feels that I'm not listening or respecting him, it's totally not the case.

Every time I feel like he's not respecting me, that isn't his intention.

Then there's the times I feel like all I can do is load him up with how things just aren't right and that I need more space. He says he sometimes feels like he is walking on egg shells around me.

The feeling is mutual.

There's times I cannot mention a name or a project or something he has promised to do without getting the "I KNOW!" or the "I said I would do it!" (sweetie...think bank account, K or REG) My intentions are to learn and understand so I can support him.

There's times we have a communication breakdown because he is so used to the treatment of his Ex...it can get lost that I am *not* his ex.

Tonight I am gloriously alone. But you know what, all I'm doing is work. I worked out, I cleaned up the rest of the christmas stuff, I'm doing laundry and I ran the dishwasher. And that's only in the 2 1/2 hours I've been home. I told Nick that I need to have downtime for myself. This certainly isn't it. I'm thinking of calling some of the girls to see if they want to go to Fremont on Sunday. Not that Fremont is one-tenth as cool as it used to be. All the funk is being driven out by crap and new apartment buildings. UGH!

So here I am on a rant. I also want to get two pieces of jewelry made and fiinish writing some notes about our wedding (we are going to register tomorrow...how exciting!)

Anyway, that's just where I am. I know that later I will settle in and watch ER and do my facial masks. But that's an hour.

Christ! I just need to stop complaining and start doing!


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