09.30.2003 - 8:36 pm
I got on the scale at work today. There's one in the nursing room. I am now at my pre-pregnancy weight. You would think this would make me happy. And in a way it does. It's the shape of my body that is disturbing me now. Pre-pregnancy, I had a nice flat-ish belling and a real nice pooch. Now, I'm no longer flat. I've got a rounded belly. Some tell me that those that have c-sections get a belly like this that may or may not eventually go away. I know...I know...pregnancy changes a body forever. I think this is the piece of dealing with a body change & my ED that I wasn't prepared for. I so quickly fall into despise for my current frame. So easy for me to go there. So easy to fall into familiar patterns.
Yet, I'm not restricting my diet. If anything, I'm indulging just a bit more. I keep telling myself that since I'm still nursing the extra calories are needed so I can feed my daughter. I started thinking the other day that I won't have this "excuse" forever. Eventually I'm going to have to face my demons and stop smothering them in food. (btw...I'm NOT throwing up...for those of you that may or may not be concerned about this) It's depressing me a bit. I'm over my ED, and there are remnants that remain to always remind me I have to listen to my inner voice. And speak it. If I remember to do those two things, I won't ever throw up again. Yay, that's a good thing.
I'm super duper tired. I went into the office at 6:30 this morning so I could meet up with the IT guy migrating everyone to XP. I left work at 5pm. I didn't take a lunch. I got up at 4:30 because Munch needed to eat and I just didn't see the point in going back to bed for a 20 minute rest. Tomorrow I can sleep in...yay!
OH! Munch slept through the night on Sunday. I didn't sleep through the night, afraid she had stopped breathing or something. I suppose it will get easier for both of us. I hope so....
I guess that's it for now. Tomorrow we are doing some birthday errands. And I'm going to bake a mini-carrot cake for Nick and I to share on Thursday night.
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