08.11.2003 - 8:04 pm
My interview questions from heavenlyging.
1. You mention that you're honest 95% of the time. When are white lies necessary?
You know, I’m answering this question last because I initially didn’t know what to say. I was trying to find a “nice” way of saying I tell white lies to protect others (No, I haven’t been waiting long at all…I didn’t answer the phone because I was in the bathroom…)
Upon further thought, I find that I tell white lies to protect me or save me from arguments. As in…No, I have been waiting long at all…when what I probably really want to say is – Fuck yeah I’ve been waiting a long time! I’m so hungry my blood sugar has crashed and now I’m in a bitchy mood. We are going to miss the previews and you KNOW how I hate tardiness! Or…I didn’t answer the phone because I just didn’t feel like talking to you (the opposite side of caller ID).
So yeah, that’s not a really nice aspect of who I am. Yet it IS who I am, so why should I deny it? I tell white lies to serve my own purposes.
2. You've overcome bulimia. Good work - I know how hard that can be. What was your motivation to overcome it and do you fight it still?
I don’t remember exactly what my motivation was. I was so sick (on top of the bulimia, there was (of course) depression and I was also self mutilating) that there are many time frames that are a total blur, or even non-existent. I often describe those years of my life as a living shell. I felt like there was nothing inside of me for me, kind of like a hollow chocolate easter bunny. I also have (and still have) this overwhelming responsibility streak that has kept me from maintaining boundaries with people. And somehow that sense of responsibility probably contributed to me living, there were too many people I would be letting down if I got really really sick – like an exploding esophagus or heart attack.
Also, I’ve always had a fighting spirit, I’ve been fiercely independent since the moment I exited the womb. I also remember that there was something inside of me that wanted better. A piece that longed to be able to enjoy life, have good friends, people to rely on. This small piece that wanted to makeover my life had just enough desire to help me through.
As far as fighting it still, I have the urge once in a great while to go get a gallon of ice cream and let loose. I also have enough insight now to stop myself and ask what’s really going on. I still have body image issues. I honestly don’t know if I will ever get over that completely. My life is much different now that I’m a mother and wife; I have higher priorities that I’ve chosen to take on that make the idea of remaining bulimic so insignificant. I’m now living with the love I always hoped I would find when I was deep down in the hole.
3. Quick! Name five favourite characters from movies and television!
Dharma Montgomery from Dharma & Greg.
Elle Woods from Legally Blonde.
Grace from Miss Congeniality.
Vern Yip from Trading Spaces.
Hermione Granger from Harry Potter.
4. You have scoliosis. How does this impact your day to day living?
It doesn’t really impact me any longer. I had to be careful when I was pregnant. There’s sometimes a threat that pregnancy can make scoliosis worse. I did a lot of physical therapy and yoga while I was pregnant and I think that helped.
It did impact me in a big way when I was an adolescent. Even before that, I had to have yearly physicals and checks. Those were never a big deal because my curvature never really changed. When I was in sixth grade things took a turn for the worse and I was fitted for a Milwaukee brace.
I still cannot imagine a worse incident for a pre-teen girl than having to wear one of those. They are bulky, I would ruin clothes by sitting down, I was made fun of…BOY was I teased!!!! There was this popular/bullyish group of girls that would come up to me every day at lunch and just taunt me and laugh and point. I also remember some pushing and tripping. It was absolutely horrible. I wore that brace for 3 ½ years. I still wore it my freshman year of high school. High school was SO different than junior high. People in my h.s. classes were curious about the brace and the scoliosis, but never were mean about it. I wasn’t treated as special, but there was this sense of respect in high school that really helped me transition to a new school and a new body.
5. What do you love most about life with a daughter?
That’s hard! She’s still so young and just growing into her personality. She’s incredibly observant, she watches everything! And she doesn’t nap much, I think she’s afraid she’ll miss out on something important. She’s happy most of the time and loves being cuddled and read to. I really like reading to her, she gets really quiet and touches the pages of the book as I read. She also really likes it when we sing to her, her favorite song right now is C Is For Cookie, she gets the biggest grin on her face! I enjoy nursing in a way I never considered, she’s so vulnerable and innocent when she’s nursing, so trusting - it’s very close to feeling unconditional love.
I dream about our years to come. I really want to encourage her to follow her path and do whatever will make her happy. I think many parents want to give their kids what they never had, in an emotional way not a monetary way. I definitely feel that for my daughter. I always want her to know she’s the most important thing and I will always be there for her.
If you too would like to be interviewed, consider the following:
1) Leave a comment by ten o’ clock tonight if you want to be interviewed. (Violet's note: Seeing as how it's 8pm right now, I'll go til 10pm Tuesday night)
2) I will respond; I’ll ask you five questions.
3) You’ll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4) You’ll include this explanation.
5) You’ll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.
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