08.29.2002 - 8:13 pm

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Come-Clean asked me once what I think of my husband's postings. I've been meaning to answer her for a long time. But in the List of Things To Do in my life, it was running pretty low.

Recently Nick asked my permission to post an entry of a fantasy involving a good friend of mine (see link above). I told him I had to read it first. I read what he had finished when he printed it off for me the other night. It wasn't completed at that point. So I didn't know the ending. I still don't know the ending (ie, I haven't read the post). In this particular instance, there was one reason set out from the rest. I told Nick that what he wrote is very very close to something we have talked about playing out. In some respects, we already have. If I remember correctly, this is a fantasy I've even asked for (with some slight variations). So it kinda bothered me to read this fantasy that involved a friend that I should involve me.

That said...I did give him permission to publish it. And I don't have ill feelings towards Nia or Nick about what was written. I just feel a little hurt, about what exactly I cannot pinpoint, that it wasn't me? That it involved a friend? That it's so graphic?

Which leads me to my next point. I haven't read this one either. Which I understand created quite a stir because most folk expected a woman to enter the shower, not a man (I know that much). There is just something about my husband's public display of erotica that I feel I need to ignore. Don't get me wrong, I KNOW he's a horny, perverted bastard and I adore him for it. I'm more private than he is, and I just don't think I'm as open with sharing my fantasies with the world. Hell, he has trouble getting me to share my fantasies when it's just us. (I SO live in my head it's frightening). He's an exhibitionist, I'm not.

On the other hand (is that four hands now?) I totally support him sharing these fantasies in his journal. I wouldn't want him to ever edit or restrict them on my account. Just because it's there doesn't mean I have to read it, and that's the approach I've been taking. It's not causing problems in our relationship, I just choose not to participate in that part of his life.

I almost feel complete.

I don't know what that last little bit of info is, it's a feeling without a name that I have. Maybe it's for another journal entry.

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