May 01, 2002 - 9:23 p.m.
I learned something that shocked me today. Detroit (see entry) and I have not been getting along for about two weeks. This has cause great stress and frustration for me. Last week, I ended up sobbing (literally sobbing) and talking to PBL about it. She was great, she can be a good manager at times... Anyway, we left it that I was going to decide how to approach Detroit about talking through what is going on. The options are (1) Detroit and I talk on our own, (2) we talk with PBL there or (3) PBL talks to Detroit without me. I left that meeting and in the following days decided I wanted to meet with Detroit and have PBL there as a mediator.
Then yesterday I had this email correspondence with Detroit that set me off. I was asking her...ASKING her...if she would mind switching her class spot at a training so a new employee wouldn't have to go alone. It turned into this ugly relay of messages where Detroit was under the impression I was telling her she had to make this change and go to the class alone. And EVERY time I responded to her emails I reminded her that she had a choice. That it was up to her. That I wasn't forcing her to do anything. It finally came down to some snippy, defensive remark that she did not want to change.
I was SO angry, I asked our peer to go get a coffee with me. I asked her how I could interact better with Detroit. I asked her if there was anything I was doing that could be done better (I'm such a fucking peacemaker!) She was trying hard to find the words to explain what was going on. I stopped her and gave her my impression...that I have this huge project going on that I am ultimately responsible for, and need to make some judgment calls and decisions. And I won't be running everything by Detroit. That, yes, Detroit does have a stake in this project and I want her input, but some things she is going to have to trust I can take care of. My co-worker said this....
"It's about you and your new life. It has nothing to do with the project."
I asked if Detroit was upset that she wasn't invited to the wedding. No...She went on to give me one specific example. When I went to sign papers for our home, where in I became a homeowner, it totally pissed Detroit off. That here I am, happy go lucky Vi with the nice partner and new life and new "money", didn't do anything but move in with someone...didn't toil or sweat...didn't put down any of my own money...and I now own a home. Basically, I don't deserve to say I'm a homeowner.
Shocked. Dead silent. Didn't know what to say.
We discussed that it would be best to avoid Detroit for the next week and address the personality conflicts after the wedding when I'm not so stressed.
Driving home tonight, I told Detroit off in my head (I like doing that). And then it occurred to me, there is NO fucking reason in the world that I need to apologize or justify my existence and the choices I make. I make choices, I create my own destiny.
I am NOT some victim of the world who is saddled with an overweight teenager that hates me, a husband (that I'm cheating on) who won't have sex with me, although I believe that if I get pregnant life will be hunky-dory, who has no self esteem and gets through life by bullying everyone around me. After all, whoever screams the loudest wins.
She is also the kind of person who I could never explain that we all make choices. Because she is a victim of circumstance.
Again I say, Whatever. Is it just me, or are we in 5th grade again?
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