fragility

April 24, 2002 - 8:58 a.m.

I despise Canadian Geese. We have a community on campus and they are in the annual mating and birthing rituals. There were five "protecting" the nest as I walked in this morning. And as I look out my window I see one chasing away about five of them. Last year Seattle/King County killed a huge population of them, and gave the meat to some food banks. Many people were outraged at that, I wasn't. These are nasty, evil creatures that are taking over and defiling our land (with their toxic, green goose shit).

+++++

I got some more reply cards for the wedding yesterday. Another "friend" isn't coming. And I don't know if it's because she feels it's over, or if they really couldn't make it. I was on the fence about whether she and her husband would be coming or not.

I'm so fucking angry and SO fucking hurt right now. Why did all these people wait to "talk" to me? Why didn't any of them call or email or whatever 3, 4, 5 months ago when they started to get "concerned" about me and where my life was going? What kind of fucking friend ignores you because they don't understand your new life? What kind of fucking, ignorant, insensitive, selfish bitches wait until mere weeks before a wedding to say…."You know Vi, I'm just not happy with choices you are making. And I don't feel that I fit in your life anymore. So good-bye."

Yes, I'm in anger. And yesterday I got thrown back in to hurt/sadness/pain again.

And I would like to think that those emotions did not cause me to fight with Nick last night. I don't think so really, I think some stuff I'm sensitive to already got blown up larger than normal because I'm already feeling fragile.

I hate this. I hate being fragile and vulnerable.

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