April 11, 2002 - 9:47 p.m.

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I'm back on the friend thing again. In a good sort of way. I emailed someone today and asked about her feelings on attending our wedding. She indicated that she feels our paths are diverging and that she wishes me the best.

I cried.

Not that I'm upset about losing the friendship, I am. I am also realistic and understand that this is kind of what I wanted too. This is the way I think all ending of relationships should go. Two people being totally honest and forthright about reality.

It also made me think again about the friend that I have been so upset over. My immediate reaction was (1) I wanted to send her a letter ending the friendship and (2) rescind the invitation to the wedding. Who knows, maybe it's just me in the moment over-reacting to myself. Maybe it's not.

Given what has transpired today, I do feel that that friendship is nearly over. Whether she comes to the wedding or not, I think the letter will be written and sent. OH! ~ The nice letter admitting what my reality is and that I wish her the best. Because I really do.

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I feel like I have this new life now, and yes there are friends that are coming with me along the way. I'm not going to list them (I don't have nicknames for all), but they are there and that's the important thing.

Warmth.

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