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March 04, 2002 - 2:21 p.m. I hate change in friendships. I hate having my own feelings of growing and moving forward and leaving people behind. I have directly ended two friendships in the last 4 years of my life. I have one now that has just about slipped away. And I feel five more at my heels. I keep asking what is wrong with me? What didn't I do as a friend that these 5 are slipping away? And I *know* that friendships morph and change, and that doesn't have to do with me as a person really�it has to do with time and our own individual growth. So what I want to know is why this time I'm so distraught.For the last two hours I've been thinking about how I may have been isolating from one particular friend. How I didn't call her, or email. But then I thought that I have invited her to my home a few times over the last year that I have moved in with Nick. And for the most part, she has been there every time. Except this last invitation, her response was No Thanks. That really hurt. I know I live far from her, but it's never stopped me from visiting. Then it occurred to me that since I have been with Nick, she has never invited me to her house. Honestly, of those 5�it's really only this one that's bugging me. One girl moved to another state, another had a child about a month ago, two others are the kinds of friends that I see once in awhile and all is good (although now our meetings are fewer and farther in-between). So really, it's just this one girl. She has meant a lot to me over the years. In fact, my first "real" encounter with her she kicked my ass about dating Butthead and helped open my eyes to the shit that I was putting up with. I would also say she has the strongest personality of all of us. Maybe that bothers me too. I don't know. I don't feel like I�m making any sense. All I know is it really hurts right now. So I tried to reach out. And we will see how that goes.
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