December 08, 2001 -

Last night was bookclub and afterwards I had invited some friends over for cake and merriment. A girl really finds out who the true friends are in these kinds of situations. In prior years, I would have made all these arrangements and plans and meeting times, and then people just wouldn't show up. I actually ended two friendships on this, actually the missed birthday was the straw that broke the relationship. I didn't just end it over one stood-up instance, I'm not that shallow.

Then last year I had this AMAZING birthday party with all my real, true friends. And my brother flew into town to surprise me. It was great. LOVED it! I love my birthday, I enjoy being a bitch about being the center of attention.

Then last night, a couple of people that said they were coming didn't show up. One girl had called, another hadn't, one emailed....And as we were getting ready for cake, I noticed that I was feeling sad about this. Those old tapes of "It's always the same, here we go again" started to kick in.

I stopped and looked at the faces around the room, and felt really good with who was looking back at me. These women are my truest of true friends and I love them dearly. And I felt so happy. Nick was behind me, right there with me.

It was a wonderful evening. All of us have been so busy these last few months. All of us with our own reasons that each of us understands. And I miss them. Nick and I had a conversation a month or so ago about how he feared I was isolating from my friends. On some levels I was. I used the "I'm in a new relationship" excuse. Well...that only works for so long until every friend around me sees Nick as a part of the group, and Nick and I know the honeymoon period is over. (don't get me wrong, we are still honeymooning here, there's just more reality in our lives, i.e. she/he really does have morning breath....).

So, bottom line is, I am deeply grateful for my friends. And I'm so happy to have spent some time with them last night.

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