June 4, 2001 -

And on another note, PBL is not leaving. Yet. It's very apparent that there are forces working against her, but I asked her point blank in our one-on-one Friday about it. She said her job is fine, difficult right now...and she will be taking all the blame for any mistake that happens, she realizes that. And I think that sucks. That's another complaint of mine about this company, no one is accountable for their actions! Everyone is so quick to point the finger or try and cover their ass with a cotton ball. It's too ridiculous.

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Had a nice date with Nick on Friday. I took him to dinner. I bought new boots. We went and saw Moulin Rouge (which I really liked btw). But the boots...we had a bit of a tiff over. Now, I am not one for impulse decisions. I see something I like and I think about it, look at other stuff just like it, when appropriate refer to Consumer Reports (yes, I am an analyzer geek!) Anyway, I spent $90 on these boots, I think you would call them 1/2 boots, they are Nine West. Nick thinks I look super fucking hot in them. I thought so too in the store.

Then we headed to the car and the Buyer's Remorse set in. Nick has a bit of trouble understanding that about me. We went through the whole gamut of "I'll give you the money for them", "I just want to return them", "The heel is higher than I'm used to"....he even went so far as to make some crack about Gloria Steinem and back-ass feminist thinking and I "cannot" wear heels because they oppress me as a woman (that is NOT a direct quote, I don't really remember the words). I told him to Fuck Off.

Anyway, we were both really tense. I think I wanted to crawl in a hole and die, I think he wanted to just rip the stupid things off of my feet and throw them away.

Then we go and see this quirky love story. And I leave the theater (and said to him) They are only boots, let's not argue about it.

The next morning he asked if I was serious in thinking that I thought he would leave me over this tiff. At first I did not remember making such a remark. Oh...then it dawns on me, yes I did. We talked about how it hurts him to think that I think like that. What kind of guys have I dated in the past to make me feel so insecure. He was a bit dumbfounded that I told him some had broken up with me for less than a boot disagreement.

Blah blah blah....And it's resolved. I think we are still getting used to each other. Still learning how to live together and pick up on each other's habits. And I'm still working on how to open up more to him. I just hope he can be as patient with me as needed. It's going to be a long-ish road....

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And with that, I shall pop 3 ibuprofen and be on my way. Hopefully this screaming headache will be gone by the time I get home.

Tootles!

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