March 7, 2001 -
I donít know what to write about today. It was rather uneventful other than struggling to stay awake, and then getting a bit stressed and feeling slammed over projects on my desk. Although my new assistant is starting on Monday...Thank the Goddess! Iíve been without for three months, so this is quite a welcome change.
Iíve had Mom on the brain for days now. I know I need to ďcommunicateĒ to her how I felt about the comments she made about Nick. The short of it, she doesnít know about him yet (leftover childhood drama there)...but at the time I last talked to her she knew I was dating someone.
I told her I had a first date with a man and we were going to dinner and the ballet. I told her I was excited for all the events, and especially for this date. She told me to enjoy it while it lasts, because it never does last long. Or something along those lines, Iíve blocked that one out.
Then I was all shmoopy and excited for Valentineís Day. Now, you need to understand that I used to be Ms. Goth and hated V-Day with a passion. I would wear the typical black and curse the happy lovebirds around me. I wouldnít even say ďValentineĒ in any way, shape or form. To me it was this ridiculous money making holiday to shove it in the faces of those of us that were single.
I donít quite feel that way anymore... :-)
So I had emailed her to tell her I had a date on Valentineís. That yes, her daughter that cursed that rotten day oí love and crap actually had a date! And I was thrilled for it! And what did mom have to say? (paraphrasing) ďEnjoy the energy and happy feelings now, because if Iíve learned one thing...itís that the love goes away and nothing is there anymoreĒ.
OK, at first I wasnít upset. I think I was in that denial thing I always do with her. Then I had mentioned something about it to my friend Irwin. And he just got this look of disgust on his face. Thatís when it hit me. My own mother slammed me.
Then I was mad. And S and I talked about it last week. I know the healthy thing to do is to let Mom know how Iím feeling about her comments. I just donít want to. Iím stuck on being right today. I want to be whiny and bratty and stomp my feet. Thereís still parts of me that thinks my parents owe me a HUGE apology. I think Iím using that brain today.
Maybe tomorrow Iíll be ready to send an email to Mom. Maybe not.
In good news....Iím going to see Nick tonight and be all shmoopy :) I miss him.
We are going away this weekend to San Diego. He has a work thing, Iím tagging along. I asked if he could get me in to the presentation/panel thing heís doing on Sunday. I know he is brilliant at what he does. I would love to see it first hand.
Buzzer is going...time for dinner.
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